16 posts tagged “romantic relationship”

When I attended Kevin Hogan's 2008 Influence Boot Camp the first day was unbelievably stimulating that my brain was just off the charts I had so many creative ideas.

I literally couldn't sleep.  Not that I wasn't exhausted, but I just sort of embraced it, knowing that the intensity would only be for a few days and that I could sleep later.  (I think a whole bunch of napped Saturday evening after the seminar ended and before heading out for din dins.).  I just sort of gave up, put on my loose fleece top and velour yoga pants (get comfy cause it's 3 am!) and went and found a place to sit and WRITE.  Cause I was writing 365 ways to meet your Soul Mate.

That will itself be an ebook of mine.  I may do it as a list as bonus to subscribers of my newsletter, Connecting with April Braswell, which now has an opt in box at my website.  Or maybe I will expand on the 365 ideas and write at least a page for each idea, having a 365+ page ebook which naturally I will then sell at my website.

Here is another one of those idea.

Get Speedy!

Attend a Speed Dating Event.

Kevin and I both have articles about Speed Dating and speed dating success at our websites.  Indeed, one of the qualms some of the men have about attending those who are not RICH is that many women without much maturity are looking for men who are rich and drive expensive cars.  They are looking to CONSUME.  While underneath that craving is the essential need of security and stability from a man and enjoyable lifestyle to mutually share.

To get past that at Speed Dating events, for the men, dress for success, namely wear a suit or at least a blazer.  And when asked maybe something so crass as MONEY questions, really, part of what we are asking about in what you do for a living is, is it interesting?  Will I be able to stand hearing about it for the next 20 years?  You might talk about what you LOVE in your work, or what you are seguing to doing in having a business of your own, and how you are a very good SAVER, so that you can provide SECURITY.  Her initial state about what she THINKS she wants - RICH MAN - you may help to change the context enough, combined with your good looks and just being sufficiently different as to be INTRIGUING to her (the actually she wants to win you in a feminine competitive manner), you just may find that she has Checked off, YES to desiring to meet you again.

That was actually some incredibly helpful and sage dating advice I just GAVE you all for free.  Men, leverage it.  I just gave you an inside view into the female psyche.  Just BEING RICH isn't actually what she wants in a man, either.  It is what she thinks that BEING RICH will give her.  What is it?  Often it is access, prestige, admiration, and a sense of physical security.  Now THOSE you may be able to provide to her.  So aim at her essential needs to intrigue her and wake her up from her Dating Trance.

Enjoy!

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coaching, On-line Dating Coach

Just a quick note as I am heading out.

On Friday and Saturday night, if your goal is create a wonderful romantic relationship of your dreams, if you are asking yourself, "how to find a soul mate" and maybe you are searching for love online at internet dating sites, you MUST...

GET OUT.

So, go OUT.

Yes, this is probably one of my shortest posts as your romance coach for your online dating coaching.  Enjoy!

All the best,

April Braswell
Online Dating Coach, Romance Coaching

OK.  When you are looking to get married and are seeking to find and to develop a great romantic relationship, one of the great, best ways to regularly meet people who are indeed SINGLES is in a Singles Group.

While these can be great and indeed I know couples who have met and married from Singles Groups.

There are all kinds out there.

Christian Dating Groups
Christian Singles Groups
Christian Online Singles Groups
Hiking Singles Groups
Adventure Seeking Singles Groups
Skiing Singles Groups
Regionally Focused Singles Groups

Now something I love about these groups is that all the people are single.  So, you have a great target audience. 

However the problem I have with them and as your resident Romance Coach and Online Dating Coach, I will forewarn you about is they can start to TAKE THE PLACE of dating.

Part of the impetus and the pressure you put on yourself indeed to get out and GO on Romantic DATEs is that you  have EMPTY SPACE in your life.  Now, a Singles Group when well-formed that goes on for more than a few months or a year start to become an additional family.

You start to get in a NEW RUT.

When I want to go to the movies, my buddies from The Group will go with me.

It's Saturday night, I don't have a date, I'll go have dinner with The Group.

When instead, you need to go with only one or two and to a DIFFERENT event.  to meet NEW people and mix things up.

More later, but I just thought I would throw that into the mix for the day.

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

Hi from your Romance Coach over here at VOX.

I've lost my car keys.  I was that last one out of the office, so if they are there somewhere and fell out of my purse somehow, I am STUCK until tomorrow.  My dear brother picked me up.  (thank you Michel!)

OK, so I alluded to it a bit in my previous post as well as awhile back while I've been building up your TONNES of Dating Advise and Tips and ideas for getting MORE dates so you can attract and establish the great romantic relationship that you desire and that I want you to have.  That's my passion in life.  Great relationships.  I know.  You can tell.  I'm KNOWN for it. 

For the Singles out there, we need to have a collection of Restaurants near where we live and even a bit ELSEWHERE to where we travel either frequently or at least regularly.  Because we need to provide some choices and we also want to ensure when we are in a Dating Plethora stage - plan for these, really, please.  If you are a in a Dating Derth for more than 4 wks, 6 at the outside unless you've had a death in the family or SOMETHING, you have to hire me for your dating coaching.  We can't have you becoming a Born Again Virgin, ok?  With Romance and Dating Coaching, I WILL get you out on dates and starting that MOMENTUM.  I understand if that is where you are.  I have a lot of compassion for you.  But you're not dead yet, so let's get moving, shall we?

So, when you are IN that MOMENTUM stage, you need to have different places to go so you are not at the same restaurant/bar more than once a week.  This is not Online Dating Coaching meets "Cheers," ok?

For the ladies, have about 3 or 4 restaurants near you so when the gentleman asks you for Date0 and asks you where you'd like to go, you have a response.

Here,
there,
or over there?

And then insert the feminine phrase,  "What do you think?"  And ladies, then PAUSE for his response like you are EXPECTING him to respond!  Don't just blithely keep talking! lol!

Some of the more masculine men will, bless their hearts, truly take the lead.  I'll name the Silicon Valley town near where I live to meet.  They ask me, "Do you like Italian food?"  And I say, "Yes!" and then they go search.  Whereever they select, accept.  It's lovely.  GO!

Now by the second date, the man is usually asking me more specifically to go somewhere SPECIFIC.  OK, so the appetizer he picked was too puny.  I make sure I can eat SOMETHING selected and leave the rest to him.  LET HIM LEAD is my early dating motto.

I'll even joke about it with him when he is arranging the second date.  "Getting together this weekend sounds great.  When did you have in mind?  Oh and YOU pick the venue this time so you can get enough to eat!"

Now most men CAN lead and pick and choose with those things. If they can't, time to practice on all of those great romantic dates!

Enjoy!

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

Hi.  Back from Las Vegas.  Loved hearing all about how delightfully blissfully happy one of my Romance Coaching success stories, Sonya Lenzo, is. 

Fitnesss Trainer for the Rest of Us, Easy Weight Loss for the Obese maven herself, Sabrina Peterson joined Sonya and me as roomies.  It was a TON of fun that way.  We even watched a Luau from our balcony window.  Sonya took pix, so I'm sure we'll see them here soon.

Now, as a Romance Coach with a subniche expertise (I am SO good at this, that people literally have begged me to teach them HOW and WHAT am I doing.) in Online Dating Coaching, I am always looking around for restaurants which are good for dates.  All kinds of dates.  Indeed, collecting restaurants is one of my Dating Advise and Tips tidbits which I recommend both to women clients and men clients. Having some choices for To Where to go on all those Romantic Dates and Internet Dating dates that you go on helps.

Something I am always looking for are places that combine physical comfort, good food, and with pleasing ambiance.  Now, I want different THINGS in pleasing ambiance.

Sometimes what I LOVE is to feel secluded and cozy.  The Elite Cafe in San Francisco's Pac Hghts district used to feature amazing seafood with these fabulous booths which had nearly 4 walls surrounding you.  It was VERY intimate and created an atmosphere where you could really FOCUS your attention on each other rather than be visually distracted by others.  But sadly they changed menus and the great seafood is gone for now.

In Las Vegas, The Cafe at The Bellagio featured what I had been craving (and now I know of it) for Saturday morning brunch.  Openness, good food at reasonable-for-Las-Vegas prices, sun light, greenery.  I had lunch there Sunday with Sonya and discovered it.  I will DEFINITELY be returning!

Sabrina introduced me to Roy's off strip.  VERY good food.  Good ambiance.  Pleasing, music was not hyper distracting.  No pulsating lights.  Rob Northrup, Corporate Veil expert also seems to favor such restaurants with his choice of Fix (was that it's name?) for Sunday evening with his lovely wife Dixie.  Part of what was so fabulous about Sabrina's selection of Roy's off strip was it wasn't PACKED.  Not a great place to MEET other singles as mainly established couples and groups head off strip like that unless it's a great bar/local hang out like I enjoyed with Michelle Matteson last March.  Sabrina and I were joined by Copywriting WunderKind, Sheridan Randolph, providing us with Recession Proof Marketing. Then we were stuck waiting for a cab.  Only disgruntling aspect to dining off strip.  It just happens.  We lived with it.  Just know when you go for things like that when you go with a date.  Plan accordingly and prepare expectations.  That's my Product Marketing background displaying as well. 

The Victoria Room was where Sabrina and I ate brunch.  Despite Las Vegas being known for a place where you can get ANYTHING, I couldn't get french toast, bacon, and eggs as a combination.  Ergo, paid some stupidly ridiculous price to get what I wanted.  Ihop and Denny's at least understand breakfast combinations and as does The Four Seasons.  BTW, I do advocate going to simple breakfast restaurants around the 5th or 6th date.  The first few dates, you want to go to NICE restaurants.  And while I LOVE The Four Seasons for Brunch (great Eggs Benedict, coffee that isn't served tepid already like at the Victorian Room, and a fabulous Red Snapper.  Hmmm, I may have to shanghai my sister and go this weekend if not with my BF.....), I also LOVE iHop, Denny's and Stacks. 

Part of what is desired if you are looking for a long term romantic relationship, is to seek out and test the waters with a potential life partner to see What Would Normal Life Be Like?

Men are making The Pitch initially for Hey Baby, I can offer you THIS Lifestyle.  Hence, the nice restaurants etc.  And yet, we are NOT going to eat like that all the time, or we'll all gain too much weight, and how will the laundry get done?  And the women are displaying, I am SO worth catching, a challenge to catch, but indeed, YOU can catch me.  With a bit (not a TON) of effort.  Life, laundry, and eating out.  Indeed, the Old Money Rich are quite frugal.  I grew up in Princeton, prepped with them, and went to Smith with more of the nouveau riche who tell you their father's salaries in opening sentences which I had always found gauche.  So, I observed the Old Money Rich.  Old station wagons.  5 acres yards.  Small but LOVELY houses.  And perfectly happy with the local restaurant with good food.  So, you want to test for SOME frugal habits in each other.  We may do mani/pedis and go to Joseph Cozza Salon for our hair (for which you ARE grateful).  But do we have to have the most expensive of everything we consume?

I'm even happy with breakfast, burgers and coffee from McDonald's.  Just DO take me to NICE restaurants, the Symphony and the Opera SOMETIMES.

I know Peter Helton is  Making your Skin Beautiful without plastic surgery and will point out to me the excessive grease in McD's FF which will clog my skin.  But I'm not advocating eating there ALL the time.  Just citing it as a way in which I am down-to-earth.  Now my good buddy Sales Training Public Speaker, Steve Chambers, and his lovely lady Trisha, enjoy a variety of eatz as well.  I'll be interested to hear what Steve thinks of this blog post.  

Where do you like to eat when you travel?  I bet the Road Warrior Scott Bell has quite a collection to share!
Where do you like to eat locally for dates?  Perhaps Single Man, John Wadsworth, will share some Twin Cities Secrets with us!  Energy Man, Matt Shields, can share both local and those from his travels. 

All the best,

April Braswell
Your Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

Quick check in from the Vox resident Romance Coach and Online Dating Coach.  I'm off to Las Vegas tomorrow after I put in a good day at the office where I'm a Sales Manager. 

This evening after a dating coaching call with a client, some negotiating and clarification of what I want and need for hiring fitness expert Sabina Peterson, fitness training for the obese, to give me a Kinetic Chain Assessment like she mentions on her video (just click over to her website and select the tab that says VIDEO, et voila, there you are.  It's as simple as that.  Just try not to watch my video testimonial for David Power, UK's leading Hypnotherapist my breasts as positively hypnotic!) in conjunction with the ecourse to CORRECT it.  I mean, what would be the one without the other, I ask you?

Now I'm packing.

And that got me thinking about packing for our days when we are seeking to get more dates to meet more people when we are looking for a romantic relationship and seeking life partner. 

Pack props, aka conversation starters.

When you already TAKEN, you can just pack for yourself.  But when you are looking to MEET people, you must

dress with a conversation starter - baseball cap with an interesting logo of your employer, past employer, favorite team, favorite sport, favorite destination.  Yes, if you need help finding some usual destinations, you can always book a gorgeous retreat with Life Empowerment Mentor Sue Crutcher, or with The Road Warrior Scott Bell.

carry a book - what you love to do, what the next thing you are going to learn to do, that your best friend does, that your mother does, that your father taught you to do, that grandpa would always do with you each summer vacation when you were a wee child

wear an unusual - odd accessory.   a unique tie with an interesting pattern - a dog breed perhaps from Wilkes Bashford, strange items on your head like my friend Tim Birch the walking wikipedia himself has been known to do.  I have a pink heart key ring, a Hello Kitty PINK Key Wallet, and a pink sparkling mini notebook key chain in my PINK purse.  All I have to do is take ONE of those out, have SOMEONE comment on the pink, and we're off and I can bring out one or two others and just comment on "I just LOVE being a girl!" and segue to ask THEM an engaging question.  And we will manage at least 3 sentences each exchanged.

the point is to make it EASY to break the silence for the other when you meet someone who is potentially innnnnnnteresting.

Ladies, if you have to, simply drop dump your purse at his feet.  "Oh!"  Of course, he's a gentleman, he'll help you pick it up, you look him the eye, bat those eyelashes, and utter, "Thank you!  You're such a gentleman.  Wow."  Admire, admire.  Stand and demurely gush until phone numbers have been exchanged. 

Men, you no longer carry briefcases like you used to do, so you will need to ad-lib with what you have.  Carry SOMETHING like you can drop and spill that is merely papers (not scalding hot coffee which will ruin her Manolos and destroy your chance of ever getting to ask her out).  Perhaps a book with lots of papers stuffed in the middle with your many notes.  Your laptop case - ALWAYS put lots of papers in there.  "Thanks for your help.  The least you can let me do is buy you a drink to reward you."  The point is to have segues.  I hear from some men, "Oh, I'll get rejected."  Well, yes you will.  But then she was not right for you. Do this again by baggage claim and you'll have another chance with another woman.  As we who have read the great dating class, "The Rules," will say, "NEXT!"  That will become one of your mottos as well.

Just keep at it!

While in Vegas, I'll bop over here when I can and will have LOTS of photos to post after I get back or even WHILE there!

So I may neglect commenting for a day or two, but I promise to catch up soon!

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coaching

PS:  Who is Sunny Carlson?
PPS:  And I wonder if Sonya and Marc will have a Vegas wedding in October?  I mean all the gang will already be there.  Kevin could give you away....

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Once we have some dating momentum established, it is essential to choose with discernment.

Now, I know some who are incredibly high maintenance and won't go out with anyone who is not in a certain education or income bracket.  Or who is divorced.  But I feel these people don't know what it entails to actually be in a relationship with a real PERSON.  So they will often use this ideal criteria to dismiss meeting REAL PEOPLE.

Networking events and singles events.

Once you are in dating mode, the thing is you CAN build a cacophony of activity just for activities sake.

But the idea is to become strategic.

Start to build up LISTS of multiple things you could go do at anytime to meet more people.
Networking events you could be sowing yourself into to meet and network with more prospective clients.

You DO need to sow seed, but not like you do in you fallow time. 

Just as with events and people, there gets to be a time when like my friend Jennifer Skinner recommends in her Wardrobe Planning, Style Development work with pairing down our wardrobes to the essential, we will need to pair down our events and also pair down the people whom we are dating.

It isn't just about who curls my toes.

Part of the work I do with my Romance Coaching clients is to do a lot of defining of what it is that we want in a relationship, to feel and to experience.  Now, we're not exactly going to think do and feel all of that or even right away with someone.  But it is like the plum line against we hold our relationships.

Which ones are close.

keep those.

develop them and pursue those to the next stage or so while we are further discerning.

And we must let the others GO.

I've been a member of Junior League here in Silicon Valley since I moved to the peninsula in 2006. I love it, respect it and have a number of close friends from it.

And I think it is not at all a Match on any of my lists. 

To move forward, we must let go of where we are now.

That may be one of mine.

And I haven't been involved long enough to be a sustainer.

What about you?

To move forward, what do you need to let of?  or whom?

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

My good buddy, sales and leadership training expert, Steve Chambers, commented awhile back at my blog saying something about

don't JUST do activity to do activity

and this is true.

Now, at the VERY beginning of getting yourself back out into dating, or for my business clients, business networking, well, frankly, accept just about ANY date and attend just about ANY business networking event.  Because at the very beginning, you are just learning to walk.  You are like a toddler.  You just need to get back out there, get your sea legs again and get back into your game and conveying YOUR most FABULOUS YOUness to the world.

I recommend doing that for about 1 month.  And in that first month, you're going to be glutenous.  I don't care.  You're not using a lot of discernment here yet, this is your practice, practice, practice time.

BUT

Once you have gotten into the swing of things and are blithely GETTING KNOWN.  You are regularly meeting and either doing the asking or being asked out on date R E G U L A R L Y.

COOL!  I am SO delightedly happy for you. 

Now is the time to start to add on a layer of discernment.  Normally in what I give away for free free free is the WHAT and WHAT to do.  When you want to know the HOW, April, HOW do I do it, and my strategy, 99% of the time that requires hiring me.  Because, I mean, hello. yes, I DO give a LOT away for free in those 20+ articles at my website (growing weekly).  So this is part of that 1% of where I am getting into strategy and the HOW.

Phase 1:  Get back out there! and  Get YOUR Game on.
Dating, dating, dating.
networking, networking, networking

Phase 2:  Focus more now on What Do YOU Want

Now the cool thing about once you start attending a number of business networking events, yes, you DO meet more new people AND you start to run into some of them time and again AND you will just start to HEAR from them and during the events announcements section about OTHER networking events.  Prick up your ears.  Try a number of these out.  I prefer the ones which are more targeted for SOMETHING I am interested in, ones which under 100 people, preferably in the 25-50 ppl range.  Too many for me to meet them ALL today, but where we can still eyeball each other (flirt, smile, flirt some more).  It is a more intimate setting without being too too terribly intimate with 10 people watching and grading your flirting technique. 

It starts to build its own momentum!  Enjoy!

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

Yup.

This is definitely going to help Da Ladies more than the men.

But for PRACTICING your dating communication skills, as your romance coach and online dating coach, today I am recommending to you that you attend Business Networking events.  I'll be at the SDForum BI SIG tomorrow night.  And Thursday during the day I could attend the NorCal OAUG Hyperion session.  See what I mean?

In fact, around here, there are Business Networking events so often that you could go to one every night/day.

Ladies, unless it is the chamber of commerce's business woman's roundtable, these will about 97% MEN MEN MEN.

Could be good for you also for some business networking if you're beautiful, incredibly talented in your field, and leverage just a LITTLE sex appeal like my good friend Sonya Lenzo who knows how to make Business Insurance UNDERSTANDABLE for the rest of us. 

You will meet a TON of men.  There is often at least wine served.  How excellent, because you can have a little, sip some, and loosen up just a little and, well, flirt a touch while handing out your business card and inquiring as to their work and their business.

Well, my job here in the Free Give Aways section is all about WHAT to do.  Get out.  Meet 'em.  Ask on Dates.  Accept Dates.

When you get to where you need that coaching on HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW do I do it, April,  well, that's when you can go to my store and hire me my coaching services.  Happy to help you!

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

OK.  For my age demographic, this weekend will NOT be about dating.

Sex In The City, the movie, opens.  Sex In The City, Sex In The City Movie

So, gentlemen, go with the Law of Large Numbers.

I will not suggest that you go to a full fledged chick flick.  Nor will I ask you to hold my purse at the store.  (you might do so while we are at the hospital, but NOT at the store.  I'll NEVER ask.  Your masculinity is safe with me.)

However, you could, ya know, venture over to the movie theatre, and ah, hang in the lobby.  You will SEE and MEET a LOT of women.  I know it is harder to move in when we are gaggled en masse.  Just, movie theatres will be a great place to go Girl Watching.

And ladies?  Where will I be?  Not there.  First of all, I'd rather wait until after opening weekend when it will be CRAZY.  And BESIDES, it's Date Night.  I will, naturally be On a Date. Of course, AFTER The Stanley Cup Game 4....

If you are a single lady?  I think head out to the sports bars and you will meet a lot more men this weekend because so many women will be at SITC.  So, head out early...

Oh, and the Stanley Cup game starts at 8 pm EDT.  So, you could head out to the bars a little early.....  The men will be watching the games.  And you will have LESS competition in The Field because of all the women who will be watching Sex In The City at the theatres.

Have fun and Play Safe!

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach