Nothing Can Ever Separate Us from the Love of God

Which we have in Christ Jesus.

Those famous words which close out Romans 8 were some of my late father's favorites for summarizing God's love for us.  One of my favorites is "God demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  (He took pity on us, reached out to us in our sinner to reconcile us to Him.)

Whether you are Christian or not, that concept of not being separated from love can move and motivate life.

So often when we are deep in our pain, stuck in our mental filter and limited perspective on our lives (this IS how this is happening, all men are jerks, all women are bitches, out to get you, all men want it sex, etc.), on our own we absolutely cannot move beyond that perspective.  And while there, indeed, we are SEPARATED from Love (and I would add, God's love).

When I work with my dating, human sexuality and romantic relationships clients, I have to start with where are you now?  What is your current perspective about dating, relationships, and the opposite sex? 

And what do you WANT?  Are you looking to marry?  remarry?  just to be in a relationship?

Indeed, as my friend Aaron Agostini (newlywed!) puts it, communication is everything, and indeed that IS the foundation for all love.

Without communication, there IS no relationship.
Without communication, there is no sexual dialog.  Indeed, because sex, human sexuality is a subset of communication.  It is is sensual communication.

without communication, reaching out from ourselves to connect with another person, there is no relationship, no communion.

And there is no relationship with God, either.

Indeed, as Christians, we believe that God first reaches out to us.

In romantic relationships, we MUST reach out to each other.

Today was my father, John Young Barry, PhD's memorial service.

I met a number of people who were his friends throughout his life.

One was a couple whom I had only heard about for 35 years who knew my mother and father when my father was in grad school (mathematics) at Yale.

Some were church members.

Some were from various community groups to which he belonged, and yes, I'm being purposefully vague because of his privacy, not mine.

As I met many people today and thanked them for coming out to his memorial service to honor his memory, invariably I was asked what I do.  And when I told some of them that I do Dating and Relationship coaching, and started to talk with them about genuine communication, healthy communication, they were very interested.

Because THAT is the foundation for ALL relationships we have in life, and we can ALL continue to learn to do better in that area.

And by so doing, we create greater intimacy in our lives.

One man I spoke with who is somewhat disabled, and he thinks more so than what I perceived, was thinking no woman would want him.  And I told him, his strength, his leadership, his authority and standing for SOMETHING in his life would display his masculinity and THAT would attract women to him.  Plus, his limitation actually helps him.  We will ALL become frail at some point in our lives.  He just KNOWS it.  He can better focus on women who will mesh well with him AS HE IS, his best self, of course, than to think, I have the WHOLE friggin WORLD to choose from.

His "infirmity" helps him to FOCUS his search for love.  And I told him, go to my website, www.AprilBraswell.com, read some of my articles, especially my articles on actually getting more dates, and to email me from my email address there.  Either way, we reached outside of ourselves and actually created a connection from genuine communication, and he now sees himself differently.  In 7 mins of talking with me, this quite lovely man (ah, NICE shoulders, btw!) is starting to perceive himself DIFFERENTLY, that he has something TO OFFER women rather than seeing himself as an invalid. 

The other wonderful example of REACHING OUT is I now have a relationship with my cousins.  You see, the mess of divorce had left us not connected, knowing of each other but with no way to find each other for years.  (yes, the dark ages, life before the internet).  The death of our grandmother was the catalyst.  Now we know each other, indeed, are connected, and love each other. 

Today was the first day that all 6 of us were altogether.  It was wonderful.  Both branches of our family had great difficulties in our childhoods.  If we had stayed in those DON'T TRUST, BE AFRAID filters, we would not all know and love each other now.

But we took the risk to reach out, to connect, and to brave that the other side might not really WANT to know us.  But indeed, we all DID want to know each other.  And with 40+ yrs of estrangement, all of that was immediately brushed aside and we embraced as cousins when we first started out emails and phone calls to know each other.

Today was a great, great blessing for us.  The memorial service was very cathartic.  And the luncheon served to knit this generation more closely together. 

I may have 4 more people soon whom I will be helping to forge the loving relationships they so desire in their lives, and at least presently are ever so slightly thinking, I don't think I CAN have this....  but.... I want it  Could I?

Yes, indeed, you can.

And so indeed, nothing can separate us from LOVE when we have the courage to take chances, to risk rejection, in our quest for true connection.

What will YOU do today to foster genuine communication in your relationships?
Or to venture out and create new ones?

April Braswell
www.AprilBraswell.com

All of us for the very first time at Dad's Memorial Svc Lunch